You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize