where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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