I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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