i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
