My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
