Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
