Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
