hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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