so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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