That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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