hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Best friends brother. Beat that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
