You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who died my cat blue again?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
