omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize