and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
