Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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