I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
