: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
