I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
