I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
