We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
