I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
