Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
