I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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