I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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