It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
