If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
