ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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