Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
