I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
