I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
