ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
