Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he was CRYING into my vagina
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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