THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize