Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
