Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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