I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
