i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
