In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
