Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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