He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
