Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
