you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
