apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
