mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
