I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize