Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
