I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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