Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
tell me about the eggs
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize