My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
