You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
COCAINE IS GR8
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
