We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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