Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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