He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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