Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
