So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
