I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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