we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found a bag of teeth...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
