your thong is hanging out like whoa
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
