Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
