Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
