Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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