why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You are a genius and a whore.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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