Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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