3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
