I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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