hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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