i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
