he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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