The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
