I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
