I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
BRING THE BAGELS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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