Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
