wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
