we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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