I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
