no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
