She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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