I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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