Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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