So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
