2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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