my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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