We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
