I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize