Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Randomize
