Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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