My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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