DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
