like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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