when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
