can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Two words: blizzard sex
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize