Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
