I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize