So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
