I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
