So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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