Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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