I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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