I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
