3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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